Bad boys don't cry
by Seren McGowan
Summary: What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Sebastian Centric
1. The damned and the beautiful

_**Notes:** Sebastian obsession just keeps growing, and after Michael, I just couldn't handle the potential this boy has. So here it is, my own little take on how Sebastian came to be. All the quotes at the beginning are from Oscar Wilde's Dorian Gray. I think it fits Sebastian perfectly. I hope you enjoy!_

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><p>"<em>It is better to be beautiful than to be good. But it is better to be good than to be ugly."<em>

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><p>He is a good boy. He really is. But the world doesn't let him be both good and beautiful, so, when push comes to shove, he has to choose.<p>

"Isn't he beautiful?"

"God, yes, you should be really proud, he's so handsome."

"Look at those eyes! You've got the most beautiful eyes, Sebastian"

He tills his head to the side and smiles politely. All eyes are on him as his mother introduces him to one and another and flaunts him around like a piece of expensive jewelry.

Compliments fly his way and hands touch his hair and lips kiss his cheeks and arms squeeze the air out of him, while he smiles and nods and shies away from the looks. Because oh! Isn't he so elegant! So humble! Isn't he just _perfect_?

Inside, he laughs.

He is just thirteen and already knows how the world works. Isn't that sad?

"Can you see it, sweetheart? What they see when they look at you? You are going to do great things, Sebastian."

He stares at his mom with a smile gracing his soft, thin lips, and wonders.

_Would I be able to do great things if I were ugly?_

_.  
><em>

The boy that's looking at him from the other side of the room it's far too tall to be his age. He holds himself differently than the boys Sebastian knows, who are childish and stupid and mostly just plain boring, so he doesn't leave when he approaches him.

"You are far to handsome to be standing here alone."

Sebastian stares at him, sea green eyes moist and slightly red, and courage far too inflated by the alcohol running through his veins.

"You think I'm handsome?" He asks with raspy voice.

"Who wouldn't?"

And that's really all Sebastian needs to hear. He's not really that much into guys but everyone who thinks he is handsome deserves a chance, so he lets the guy lead him through the back door of the club and ravish him against the cold, sharp wall of the dirty back alley.

It's kind of strange, actually, and the lips against his own feel a little cold and the kiss is a little bruising and the hands that grip his hips and pull his hair touch him a little too freely where no one else has touched him before. But Sebastian is used to people always touching him and ruffling his hair and exclaiming how beautiful he is, so he just closes his eyes and lets the boy do.

When it's over, and he's panting, and his knees give out, and the boy leaves, Sebastian sits on the dirty floor of the alley and decides that he likes this kind of touch much better.

"_You are so, so beautiful..._"

Sometimes, he thinks that the only reason he's beautiful is because everything around him is so ugly.

.

He realizes, after a couple more encounters on back alleys and darkened bathrooms, that he can do whatever he wants, with whoever he wants. The rush of power is so strong, it's exhilarating. He has never felt so alive, so in control.

He relishes on the looks and the subtle touches and bathes in all the attention, somehow forgetting that thing that they said, that beauty is not everything.

Because beauty _is_ everything.

Sebastian has nothing more.

"Where have you been lately? You've been totally MIA!"

Sebastian stares at his best friend and doesn't even think before answering.

"I've been having sex with guys against bathroom walls."

But they're at the school cafeteria and there's people around them and this is a fucking town full of jerks simply don't understand.

So when his friend punches him, and he hears the gasps and the insults and the laughs, Sebastian just smiles.

_ "You are so, so beautiful..."_

He's too damn beautiful to be broken.

After a month of sneers and punches and insults, he bends, eventually.

"What you are, Sebastian, is an abomination of nature" his father says, the day he finds him curled on a corner of his room, with blood on his nose and a broken lip and tears slipping from his eyes "But you are not a coward. And if you want to survive, you're gonna have to suck it up and take it like a man."

Sebastian stares at the man before him, wipes the tears away with the back of his hand, ignoring the pain of his nose and lip, and stands up slowly.

"You're going to be called worse things, and you're going to get beaten up a lot harder, but it was your choice. You might look good on the outside but on the inside you're sick, you're corrupted. At least have the decency not to cry like a girl."

_You are sick, you are corrupted. You are beautiful._

Sebastian starts to laugh.

The next day at school he approaches his former best friend in the middle of the hall and breaks his nose with a punch.

"It's not my fault you're so ugly I couldn't bear to sleep with you. Get over it" he snarls.

And he holds his head high and a cruel smirk plastered on his handsome features and no one ever looks down on him again.

.

He's fifteen now.

Paris is so different from Texas.

Everything in Paris is beautiful. Everywhere he looks there are beautiful faces and beautiful eyes and beautiful smiles. Beautiful girls and boys that fall at his feet like lambs.

He goes through all of them. He breaks boys and girls alike because they are too beautiful, and beauty is corrupted and sick and wrong.

"You're so damn hot"

Being hot is different than being beautiful.

The hot breath against his ear sends a shiver down his spine and he has to use all the willpower he has not to come in that very second.

The man knelt before him looks up and smiles as Sebastian let's out a small moan and pushes his head down against his cock again.

It's different than when he does it with boys. Men are more experienced, more mature, they scare less easily.

He knows why they want him.

"That's because I'm young" he says, and he knows the words had the desired effect when the man slams him forcefully against the wall.

He's become more bitter, more sour, less polite. Hurting people is so easy that he doesn't seem to be able to stop.

He can have everything he wants. Girls, boys, expensive toys... All they need is to take one look at him, listen to his silky voice just one time, and there's nothing they can do.

Sebastian has been loved by many already. Older men wanting to feel young again, kids his age, wanting to feel loved and accepted, girls who expected prince charming and found the devil instead.

Yeah, Sebastian knows about love.

But love is just as sick as beauty.

His father has decided to ignore his existence and his mother's more drunk than sober most of the time, but she still looks at him with the same adoration and whispers _You're beautiful_ as if it's the only thing that matters.

And it is.

Because, as Sebastian has come to realize, everything is rotten. And only the beautiful survive.

"You know nothing about love" a scorned lover said once "Who could love you?"

Sebastian just stared at him. He was not as beautiful as he remembered him to be. What a waste.

"I love myself."

I am the only one who is beautiful enough.


	2. The art of saying yes

_**Notes:** Here we are again. I promise that this is the last chapter with no Blaine or Warblers in it, so stick with me a little more! Special thanks to Disney's Darling, Nikki and Waffles of Doom for the reviews, I'm sooo happy you liked it!_

_Enjoy!_

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><p>"<em>People die of common sense. One lost moment at a time. Life is a moment. There is no hereafter. So make it burn always with the hardest flame.<em>"

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><p>Every important thing he needed to know about life, Sebastian learned it in Paris.<p>

He learnt how to properly french kiss, how to speak french, how to appreciate the beautiful things like good art and good music, and good drinks...but the most important, the one he will remember forever, is probably the art of saying_ yes_.

"Come on Sebastian!" the boy screams at him, with a huge, daring smile plastered across his face "What other chances you think you might get?"

Sebastian stares at the river that runs under the bridge. It's too far. They're too high. He looks back at the boy.

"I could kill myself you know that?"

"What's he point of being alive if the fear of dying keeps you from living?"

_I don't want to die._ Sebastian thinks. But he jumps anyway.

When his body collides with the cold water, it's like he had been electrocuted, leaving tingles running through every muscle. The jolt of adrenaline is like something he has never felt before, and all he can think of is how he would have regretted it if he had never jumped of that bridge.

"You've got balls, kid!" the boy beams at him, perched over the railings of the bridge "Welcome to the world of the living!"

.

Everything about Paris is beautiful, and Sebastian just knows that this is the place where he was meant to be. Paris is nothing like Texas, but sometimes, Sebastian still has a hard time remembering it.

"Why on earth did you say no?" Mikael asks, as he slides next to him on the barstool "That was one hell of a handsome guy."

Sebastian's french is not very good yet, but Mikael has learnt to understand him even when he speaks like Tarzan.

"He didn't look gay" he says, struggling to find the right words despite the fear that's still lurking in the pit of his stomach "I think it was a trap"

The confused look on Mikael's ridiculously handsome features makes Sebastian think that maybe he mixed up the words.

"You have to forget about that" the blond boy says finally "You're not in America anymore, Seb. This is a different place."

This is a different place indeed, but Sebastian still has a scar just above his ribcage from the time when he picked up a guy from a bar just to realize that he was there to beat up the first stupid fag that fell on his trap.

Mikael buys him another drink, and he leads him through all the bar until they find the guy who Sebastian rejected.

"My friend would like to apologize" Mikael says, with a lopsided grin "And I'd like to help, if you don't mind."

Sebastian has done enough kinky stuff already, but a threesome is something he had never thought about before.

He says yes, and the sparkle in the other boy's eyes, and the proud look on Mikael's face, make him a little more fearless.

Mikael's lips are the softest Sebastian has ever kissed, and Jean is surprisingly skilled with his tongue. Both boys centre all their attention on Sebastian, like he's something precious that must be treated in the best of ways. He's encircled by arms and legs, and hands caress his hair and his torso and slide down between his legs, and something hard pushes into him from behind, and his moans mix with the soft whispers and exclamations, and looks of adoration and _Oh, you're so, so beautiful_

Sebastian has never felt more beautiful than right here, right now.

.

The bar is bursting with electronic music and people are dancing and grinding against each other and the heat is rising so fast that Sebastian can barely breath as Mikael drags him across the packed dance floor and pushes him through the back door.

Sebastian has spent a lot of time on back alleys, but this is not what he expected to find.

"Dieu, Mikael, you didn't tell us he was this hot!"

The most beautiful girl Sebastian has ever seen walks up him and plants a small kiss on his lips.

"I'm Corie" she says, with reddened crystal blue eyes fixed on him "Come, we saved some for you two."

Sebastian has smoked before. Weed is fine. But he can't help but stare paralyzed as a guy named Thierry extends his hand to him, palm open, and he's faced with a small thin like of white powder.

"You have never tried coke before?" he asks with a smirk "Are you scared?"

Thierry is not like Mikael. Thierry's eyes are hard and his smirk is mocking and Sebastian can't stand him. So he sniffs the coke from his hand, and, as the world spins around them and they laugh and fall and rise, he kisses him.

His senses are heightened, the smell of alcohol mixed with sweat and drugs and cologne, and Corie's perfum. The sounds of Corie's cheers and Mikael's whistles and the feeling of Thierry's tongue across his lips and his hands in his hair.

He feels everything like it's the last time he's going to feel. The world is suddenly bursting with colors and sounds and everything is more amazing than he has ever imagined.

Thierry spins around, faster every time, until he suddenly comes to a stop, facing Sebastian directly, and, raising his arm, he points at him.

"You are going to be awesome" he says, like he knows.

Sebastian doesn't fear anything anymore.

.

Thierry is different than Mikael in many ways.

Mikael is sweet and lovable, and good. The best person Sebastian's ever met, probably. And Thierry...Thierry is a little sour and a little harsh and a little bit too honest, and he has this philosophy, this way of living, that makes Sebastian want to know more.

Thierry is not gay, but he doesn't seem to care too much about that.

"It doesn't matter who you fuck" Thierry explains one day, as they are all high and drunk, laying on the grass "It only matters that you fuck."

And it makes sense, actually.

"Life is all about that. Pleasure is the only thing that keeps us going, and those who deny themselves pleasure, well, they are miserable."

"And that's just how it is" Corie adds, trying to imitate Thierry's solemn tone, but bursting out laughing in the end.

Sebastian laughs, he laughs so hard his stomach starts to hurt, and, suddenly, his father's words come to his mind. _You might look beautiful on the outside but on the inside you're sick, you're corrupted._

His laugh dies, and he glances at Thierry, Corie and Mikael, who are still laughing, with beautiful eyes sparkling with joy and beautiful smiles filled with carelessness, and, for the first time, realizes that his father was wrong. He was wrong. This is perfect, this is beautiful. There's nothing corrupted or sick about this.

There's nothing corrupted or sick about him.

For the first time in a long time, he feels like he can breath.

"What's wrong with you?" Thierry asks suddenly, staring directly at him "You look like you've had a revelation"

"I think I have, actually" Sebastian answers, incapable of holding back a smile "I think I finally understand...this."

Thierry smiles at him.

"It's easy" he says, passing the joint to Sebastian "Just do whatever you want, whenever you want, because maybe you won't get another chance."

"Don't always listen to him" Mikael warns with a laugh "Thierry has some messed up morals"

_I want to live that way. _Sebastian thinks. _I don't want to die ugly and old, realizing that I let my life pass me by_.

.

Sebastian has never run so fast.

The screams that follow them start to sound farther and farther until they die completely, and all he can hear is Thierry's ragged breathing and his own pants as they come to a stop.

"God" he whispers, at a loss of a better thing to say.

_Oh my God._

Thierry just bursts out laughing.

"Dieu! That was the most amazing thing ever!"

Sebastian looks back. He can barely see the top of the Eiffel tower from here, and it only makes him realize just how far they have run.

"We did it" he whispers, still incredulous "We snuck into the Eiffel tower at three in the morning"

Thierry shrugs and smiles at him.

"You said you wanted to see all of Paris in the middle of the night"

"Yeah but..."

Thierry walks up to him and presses one finger to his lips, silencing him. Black eyes find Sebastian's, and he's incapable of looking away.

"Never let anyone tell you that you can't do, or have what you want"

Sebastian doesn't know much about love, but he thinks what he feels right now could be pretty damn close.

.

With time, he forgets what it was to be afraid, to be angry, and to feel numb. Paris has this thing, this magic, and it makes him let go of everything that was holding him back, until he has nothing.

It's like he's born again.

Paris taught him that, no matter what anyone said, there's nothing wrong with him.

But, as Sebastian has come to accept, when something is too good to be true, it is probably a lie.


	3. No regrets

_**Notes:** So, finally Sebastian has landed in Lima, so expect more Blaine and Warblers to come. I have also found myself shamelessly atracted to the idea of Sebastian and Joe Hart as some sort of strange couple, so maybe I'll just loose my mind and get some of that in here! Special thanks to **Disney's Darling**, **Warblette** and **well-i-like-to-read** for their amazing reviews, this is all for you guys! Enjoy!_

_PS. Also, the song Sebastian sings is Just tonight, by The Pretty Reckless_

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><p>"<em>'Conscience.' It's just a polite word for 'cowardice.' No civilized man regrets a pleasure."<em>

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><p>His mother is crying.<p>

It's strange, because Sebastian's mother never cries.

"You're a strong boy, Sebastian. You are going to be okay"

"What do you mean? What's wrong?"

He regrets asking the moment it comes out of his lips, because his mother stops crying and just stares at him, with sea green eyes so much like his own, and he just knows.

"No" he whispers, as his eyes begin to tear up "I'm not leaving you"

"I can't take care of you honey, not now, not like this. I promise that I'll go back for you, when I'm better"

"There's nothing wrong with you" Sebastian whispers, and for a moment, he tries to pretend that he hasn't seen the bottles of wine and the pills and all that other stuff she's always failing to hide.

"You are so beautiful" his mother whispers, and he can see she's beginning to drift off "There's no one as beautiful as you."

_You are more beautiful than me_. He wants to say, but she's not listening anymore.

.

He expects Thierry, or even Mikael to show up at his house when he sends them the text, but, surprisingly, it's Corie, with her long blond hair and smokey blue eyes, the one who's standing on his doorstep when he opens the door.

"Don't forget about us" her voice is soft, as always, but her eyes are not red and her gaze is clearer than Sebastian has ever seen it.

"You're sober" he says, slightly surprised, as he closes the door behind him and sits on the wooden steps.

"If this is the last time I see you, I wanted to remember it" she whispers, sitting down next to him.

They stay in silence for what seems like forever, and Sebastian wonders how someone who looks so fragile can handle such a life.

"Break a lot of hearts" Corie says suddenly, not looking at him "But be always graceful. Fall in love a lot, and do it with all you have, even if it only lasts a second."

Sebastian takes a deep breath and stares at the empty street.

"Has someone ever broken your heart?"

"A girl is always more beautiful when she's heartbroken."

Sebastian wants to tell her she's wrong, but he figures she knows more about girls than he does.

"I think you are the most beautiful girl I'll ever met."

She laughs, the sound is soft and musical, like a bell.

"You'll meet others."

"They won't be like you."

She focuses her crystal blue eyes on him and raises a hand to tangle her fingers in his hair.

"Don't let him take away all that's good in you, Sebastian."

_There was nothing good in me to start with_. Sebastian thinks.

.

¨We're going home"

Sebastian stares at his father, biting his lip and trying desperately to hold back the tears.

"I am home"

His father just glances at him one last time before shaking his head and leaving the room.

"We leave in two days."

At first, he's angry. He's angry at his father, and angry at his mother, and angry at the world in general, because fuck, why is this happening to him? Hasn't he had enough already?

Then it hits him.

They're going back home.

A fear long forgotten strikes him like a lightning and his legs give out, forcing him to sit down. His stomach lurches painfully and his mouth goes dry and he finds himself unable to breath. All the closed wounds begin to hurt again and all scars begin to ache, and all memories come flooding back; the hate, the shame, the feeling of unworthiness...

"..._ you're sick, you're corrupted."_ A shove. _Fag_. A punch._ Queer_. A kick on the ribs that leaves a scar. _Cocksucker. _

Sebastian takes a deep breath and passes a hand through his hair, trying to calm down, but the memories just keep coming back and they wash away everything Paris taught him. Everything he became starts to slowly come undone, until a familiar voice brings him back to the present.

"You look like you've seen a ghost" Thierry says, as he sits down carelessly on the floor before him.

"I've seen a few" Sebastian whispers, voice cracking, as he stares at him from his position on the couch.

Thierry laughs. Sebastian can't stand the thought of not hearing his laugh again.

"They can't hurt you" Thierry says, shrugging "They only have the power you choose to give them. You're too strong for them."

"How do you know?"

Thierry smiles at him.

"You're too hot to be weak" His gaze hardens for a moment, and suddenly, his tone becomes more serious than ever "Don't ever regret what you did here. Don't ever feel ashamed of doing what gives you pleasure. Don't ever let anyone tell you the rules you should live by. Make your own rules, Seb, and live until the day you die."

"I think I might be in love with you" Sebastian says abruptly.

"That's the Sebastian I know." Thierry smiles.

_You've got balls, kid. _

_.  
><em>

Sebastian has decided that he's never letting his guard down again, because when you let your guard down, it all goes to tell. And hell is called Lima, Ohio.

It's not Texas, at least, but it could be, for all he cares. The same filthy streets, boring houses and overwhelming silence. The same common people, with the same common faces and simple minds.

Everything in this town is ugly, and Sebastian spends he first two days in his room, with the lights off and french music turned up to the maximum.

"Stop being a child, Sebastian" his father commands one day, as they're having dinner, seated at opposite ends of the long, fancy table.

"Didn't you love my mother?" Sebastian asks.

His father takes a moment to answer.

"Your mother is sick. Being around her was not good for you, and God knows you have enough going on with you already."

"And what is that supposed to mean?"

"Don't think I don't know about your...friends. About the things that you did, about everything. You'll be better of here alone than there with them."

Sebastian opens his mouth to reply, but realizes that there's nothing he can say that will get through his father, so he stays silent.

"I see you understand finally. You will be able to straighten up here, to forget all those mistakes you made and start anew."

_We don' make mistakes. _Mikael told him one day._ We just do things that turn out wrong, but that doesn't mean that they're not going to turn out right some day._

"I'd do everything all over again" Sebastian says, standing up to leave the room "I regret nothing"

The only gay bar in Lima is a horrible place, and Sebastian wishes he had never had come. His eyes hurt by just looking at the people. _Who the hell is going to get laid with people like this? _But he needs a drink, or two, and even though the alcohol in this place is just as disgusting as the customers, he has nowhere else to go.

Because this is a fucking town and gay people should go to gay bars, separated from normal, healthy people who are not gay.

He drowns is thirds shot of tequila and asks for another one, but the bartender just stands there giving him a strange look.

"We're in Ohio, hun, speak english."

When had he switched to french, anyway?

"Yeah" Sebastian sighs "We're in Ohio all right."

It's almost midnight when he's approached by two guys, and they start to talk to him about the wonders of gay life in Ohio, and how he should let them show him. His alarm, long disconnected, starts to ring again, and he remembers the last time he was at a bar in Texas, and he remembers the scar above his ribs. But then the memories are replaced by Mikael and Jean and laughter and pleasure, and, for a moment, he thinks that there's nothing to be afraid of.

"A handsome guy like you shouldn't be here all alone"

He's heard that before.

"Do you have somewhere better in mind?"

The guys exchange a look, and Sebastian just knows. Because this is not Paris, and this guys are not Jean or Mikael.

So it's probably his fault, really, but he's already too tired and too pissed and to fucking sad to give a damn.

"Look at the fag, too fucking gay to fight back."

Sebastian wipes the blood from his lip and stares at his attackers, expressionless.

"You're not even worth the try."

And this town isn't eider.

.

Dalton is like a totally different world.

He takes it all in as he walks through the marble corridors and his lips curve into a smile. Everything in Dalton is beautiful. From the tastefully decorated rooms, to the beautiful oak doors with bronze hinges.

There's nothing inside this castle-like building that Sebastian doesn't like. But still, he knows that's why his father sent him. This is like a beautiful golden cage from where Sebastian won't even try to escape, because the outside world is so hideous it hurts his eyes.

It's almost dawn, and the music room is as empty as the halls when he walks in and sits on the piano. His hands touch the keys softly, almost fearfully, and he tries to remember the song that's been haunting him in his sleep.

_Corie inhales, then exhales, and Sebastian is suddenly surrounded by smoke that smells like weed. She laughs, and then begins to sing, always the same song..._

_ "_Here I am, and I can't seem to see straight_,_ but I'm too numb to feel right now..."

He tries to remember, but the memory is vague, and he can feel it slipping away slowly. Fear overcomes him. Fear of forgetting. He thinks harder, and the more difficult breathing becomes, the harder he tries.

"Here I am watching the clock that's ticking away my time. I'm too numb to feel right now..."

"You have a beautiful voice."

Sebastian turns his head, startled, and smirks once he recognizes the boy by the door.

"Compliments are unnecessary. If you want to fuck me just say so."

Wes rolls his eyes and crosses his arms over his chest, leaning against the doorframe and staring at Sebastian.

"You should join the Warblers. It'll be good for you. I've noticed that you haven't exactly been trying to fit in..."

"I fit in all right" Sebastian shrugs carelessly "I'm just not interested"

"You're not interested, or you think that this boring, small town is not worth your time?"

Sebastian's green eyes focus on him, wide open, and he lets a small laugh escape his lips.

"You think you've got me all figured out, don't you?"

"This might not be Paris, but Dalton is not Lima eider. It's a different place, Sebastian."

He sounds like Mikael. It's a different place. Sebastian somehow always ends up in a different place.

"You don't want me in your little singing group" he says finally "I've been told I'm corrupted. I don't think you'd like me if you knew me."

"I'll judge that. None of us were in a good place when we arrived here, but Dalton does have a way of putting the pieces back together."

Sebastian remains silent, and Wes turns to leave.

"I'll see you tomorrow at five for rehearsal."

Sebastian watches him leave, and turns back to the piano once the sound of footsteps disappears down the hall.

He remembers the song now.


	4. Never have I ever

_**Notes:** Finally, the Warblers are here! And Blaine kind of makes his first appearance! It's been strange leaving the Paris guys behind, so maybe I'll bring some memories back sometime in the future! Special thank yous **well-i-like-to-read, Disney's Darling, .** and **MusicalEscape** for the reviews. You guys make this story possible, and I am so hapy you're liking it so far! I hope this chapter doesn't disapoint._

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><p><em>One can always be kind to people about whom one cares nothing.<em>

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><p>The first impression the Warblers get about Sebastian is that he's handsome, fun, and surprisingly easygoing for someone who had just have to leave his life in another country.<p>

Everything with Sebastian is easy, almost too easy. He smiles constantly, he's up to everything, he never frowns or gets mad, and, most of all, he always says yes.

It's as fascinating to them as it is scary.

"Let's sneak out" says Nick one day, as a joke, just to try Sebastian's limits "Let's go to one of those scary looking bars in the middle of nowhere and get drunk!"

Sebastian's eyes light up instantly and he stands up, ready to go.

"That's the best idea anyone's had since I arrived."

Nick, Jeff and Trent remain seated, staring at Sebastian, dumbfounded.

"Are you serious?" Jeff asks, raising an eyebrow.

Sebastian sighs, sits down again and picks up his textbook from the floor where it had fallen.

"Of course not" he says with an easy smile "That would be a stupid thing to do."

The Warblers agree. Sebastian doesn't.

.

"What do you think about him?" Wes asks David, as they watch Thad teach Sebastian one of the Warblers signature moves.

"He seems like a good kid" David examines the boy, thoughtfully "Almost too good to be true. Am I right?"

Wes smiles, eyes never leaving Sebastian.

"As always. I'm certain he was not like this the day I approached him with the offer of joining us. The way he spoke, the things he said..." he stays silent for a moment, pondering.

"What is it?" David turns to look at him with a raised eyebrow.

"He said he was corrupted. He believed that we wouldn't like him once we knew him."

David turns back to look at Sebastian and Trent, who are laughing almost hysterically.

"Well, you can't say he's not trying."

Wes closes his eyes for a moment and sighs, then he opens them again and focuses on Sebastian.

"On the contrary. I'd say he's not trying at all."

.

The Warblers are everything someone could dream of.

They're charming, they're fun, they're talented, and they are genuinely good. No masks, no lies, no fake smiles, just simple and pure goodness.

It's beginning to get to Sebastian.

He can feel them slowly getting under his skin. He can see himself falling into their perfect little world of happiness and songs. Suddenly, he finds his fake laugh and polite smiles turning into something real, and that is the one thing he cannot afford.

"If you want to sneak out, really, you can just use the door."

Sebastian freezes, half of his body out the window, and sighs.

"I was just getting some air."

David smiles as he watches him get back inside and close the window, giving it a last longing look before turning to look at him with a smile.

"What brings you here so late?"

"I like this room at night. Also, as you have obviously already found out, the windows are located in the perfect place to make an easy scape."

Sebastian gives him a crooked smile.

"I needed a drink" he says "And a fuck. Not necessarily in that order."

He's ready for the disgusted look and the disappointed speech and whatever may come next, but David just shakes his head and laughs.

"God, it must have been hard for you."

"I don't know what you mean."

"You know, pretending to like us when all you wanted was to get away."

Sebastian doesn't know what to say, because he's sure whatever comes out will be the wrong thing, it always is, and, as much as he tries to convince himself that he doesn't care, he really doesn't want the Warblers to hate him.

"I'm not like you. Bad things happen when I care."

"Don't be so melodramatic, you're just a kid."

Sea green eyes open wide, outraged. David just laughs.

.

They're all seated in circle on the floor. In front of each of them there's a small shot glass with the Dalton emblem engraved on the front, in the middle lies a bottle of the most expensive Vodka.

"We haven't officially welcomed you to the Warblers, and I must apologize for that." Wes says, as he pours vodka into his glass and passes the bottle around.

Sebastian eyes them all suspiciously.

"If there's alcohol involved, I'm in for whatever it is."

"You can't trust someone you know nothing about, and as a team, trust is essential" David explains "There can be no secrets, and no lies. Once you're a Warbler, you'll be forever a Warbler."

Wes raises his glass, and the others imitate him.

"Remember the rules: Don't lie, and never judge. Let the game begin."

The game is simple. That same Never have I ever that Sebastian has played so many times, yet, it's somehow different. He can see that they all know each other's secrets by now, so it's mostly about him.

It has never been about him before.

They are all a little drunk already, and secrets have been spilled and Sebastian's guard is down again. This guys have been through a lot, they understand, there's nothing to be scared of.

"Never have I ever been in a threesome."

"Never have I ever slept with an older man."

"Never have I ever tried MDM."

He's the only one to drink.

There they are. The looks. They're too drunk to speak, but Sebastian can hear them nonetheless. _Oh God. He's done that. He does those things. He's that kind of guy._

But the game continues, and Sebastian keeps drinking every time, because, as he realizes, there's nothing that this boys have done, that he hasn't.

"Never have I ever serenaded someone at a Gap store!"

"Blaine would have drank to that!"

Sebastian notices the change. They're eyes light up suddenly, their drunken smiles grow sadder, the laughter is quieter.

He wonders about the kind of person who's only memory is capable of doing something like that.

.

"You didn't come to rehearsal yesterday."

Sebastian takes a long drag of his joint and smiles as he exhales, and smoke fills the room.

"I don't think it's gonna work."

Nick rolls his eyes and sits in the bed opposite Sebastian's, staring at him with a determined expression.

"You're a Warbler now."

"Do you really want me there after all you heard the other night?"

Nick seems uncomfortable, he looks away for a moment, but then looks back at Sebastian with the same determination.

"Do you regret all those things you did?"

"Don't ever feel ashamed of doing what gives you pleasure" Sebastian quotes with a smirk "I never regret anything."

The other boy smiles slightly.

"We're a family, Sebastian, not a jury. You won't be judged here."

He stares at Nick. He examines his face for some clue, something that gives him away. A mock, a lie, a poorly hidden disgust. He finds nothing. He wants to say the right thing, but doesn't find the words, so, as always, he says the wrong thing instead.

"You'll regret it, I could eat you all alive."

He doesn't want them to regret it. He wants to be good like them. He really does.

"We'll handle it. We're tougher than we look."

They're all just kids, really.


	5. My own worst enemy

Notes: A lot has happened to Sebastian on the show, and I wanted so much to write about him, and Dave, and all in between, that I started a new story, it goes somewhere in the future in this same storyline, to keep things simple. Whatever, it means I have now two stories to update. I hope I can make it! Sebastian just keeps growing and growing, and I'm really happy that people are looking to see more of him than what the show let's us see.

Thank you to all of you who favourited and alerted and all, even if you didn't review, it's awesome to know someone's reading. Special thanks to **here . at . the . end**, **m'j doom** and **Disney's Darling**, because, well, reviews are a writters fuel, and you always know how to hit the right spot to keep the story going, so thank you.

* * *

><p>"<em>A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies."<em>

* * *

><p><em> "You shouldn't have done that, he'll kill you for real this time."<em>

_Sebastian just stares blankly at the scared boy beside him and smirks._

_ "At least I got a decent blowjob."_

_Laws of property never applied to him. I have nothing, but if it's yours, it's mine too, to do with it as I please._

_Of course, charming his bully's girlfriend into giving him a blowjob in a place where everyone could see had nothing to do with stealing the girlfriend._

_He sees them walk into school the next day, and the look on their faces when they see the posters is perfection to Sebastian's eyes. She is mortified, and disappears into the bathroom as the first tears start to fall. And him...Sebastian has never seen something so beautiful. The mixture of anger, humiliation, and sheer hate, as he walks towards him and slams him against his locker._

_ "You fucking fag, I'm going to kill you!" He snarls._

_ "You're so predictable" Sebastian rolls his eyes, bored "Don't be so pissed. That blowjob wasn't even worth my while, I sure won't be going to her for seconds."_

_He has never been good at choosing his enemies, but he finds a strange pleasure in hate that he's too addicted too to ignore._

_Some say he's too beautiful to be hated. But being hated for something he does is so much better than being loved for something he has no control over._

_.  
><em>

Mikael's name pops up in the Skype window, and he just stares at it for what seems like forever.

His hand moves and he lets the pointer linger over the name, but passes by and logs off instead.

What is he going to say, anyway?

_I miss you like hell?_ He doesn't say those things_._

He's been in Ohio for almost two months already and nothing has happened. He has done nothing but sing and dance and, though he's beginning to like this Disney movie kind of life, he knows it's not for him. This walls are draining his energy, he can see his life pass by at the other side of the windows and he's trapped in here, like suspended in time. But time is not suspended, it goes by too fast, and one day he'll grow old, and he'll be ugly, and he'll have nothing to do and nothing to show for.

Suddenly, he grows restless. He needs to get out. He needs to fuck someone against a wall, he needs to drink a whole bottle of vodka, he needs to do something careless, something senseless. He needs to jump of that bridge again, just to see if he's still breathing.

He leaves Dalton for the first time in two months, but forgets, again, that this is not Paris. It doesn't matter where he goes, there's nothing to do, only boring people with boring lives, and he starts to wonder if maybe this town is actually suspended in time.

"You seem lost."

He turns around to look at the guy in ragged jeans, with tousled hair and reddened eyes, and sneers.

"This town is too fucking small to get lost."

The guy laughs.

"Then it looks like you're looking for something."

Sebastian takes in his surroundings, the dirty streets, the buildings, half in ruins, the bars with neon lights and awfully done graffitis... He doesn't even know how the hell did he got here. Then again, he always manages to find himself in the worst parts of every place he goes to.

"What do you offer?"

The guy smirks.

"What are you looking for?"

_Life._ Sebastian smiles

.

"Remember when Blaine first sung a solo?"

"God yes! It was so cool! I got goosebumps and all, I swear."

They al laugh, but Sebastian knows by now that they're not really laughing. This Blaine guy has done something to them. His name somehow always manages to come out at one point or another of every conversation, and thought it always seems like the happiest memory, it's pretty obvious that that's not entirely true.

"Well Sebastian, are you ready for your first almost solo?"

"I'm always ready. Just be gentle." He winks at Nick, who instantly blushes and looks away, flustered.

It's like he's been doing this his whole life. The first notes of Uptown Girl rise in the air and suddenly something in him changes. His guard comes down, he forgets about France, and Ohio, and his parents, it's like, suddenly, all those things that made him angry, or miserable, didn't exist anymore. The Warblers, with their beautiful voices and bright smiles, begin to make him better.

And then he sees him.

He enters the room with his ridiculous bow-tie and excessively gelled hair, and stands in the doorway, staring at them with fascination, and something that could be perfectly described as longing.

He's too small, his head's too down, he looks too out of place. Sebastian expected a god, but the boy he's staring at is just that, a boy.

Then he grabs his hand, urging him to join them, and the boy changes before his eyes.

He starts to sing, he moves with the Warblers as if they were one, he holds his head high and his smile brightens by the second. Sebatian has never seen something like this. The boy grows, he rises, he changes, he becomes more beautiful with every note that leaves his lips, and finally, he's confronted with the god he was expecting.

"I'm Blaine Anderson."

His smile is so pure, so bright.

_You betrayed them._

"Sebastian Smythe."

_They adored you, and you betrayed them._

He hates him already.

.

_ "Hate is the most pure of feelings" Thierry explained one day, while they smoked on the grass "People that hate you won't ask for anything in return, when someone loves you, at the end, they always want you to love them back."_

_ "But love..." Sebastian begins, but forgets what he was going to say and bursts out laughing instead._

_ "No, no" Thierry shakes his head and takes a long drag from the joint "Love ends. You can love someone today but hate them tomorrow, but hate...you can't really love someone you hate. Love makes you weak, it makes you settle, hate makes you want to be better, to show everyone just how much better you are than them, how far you can go."_

_Sebastian doesn't hate, but he's great at making people hate him._

_ "Your enemies are the ones that will make you stronger."_

_ "Or they will kill you." Sebastian adds, raising an eyebrow._

_Thierry laughs, passing a hand through his mane of dark blond hair, and focuses his reddened eyes on Sebastian._

_ "They can't kill you, Seb, you're the strongest person I know." He raises a hand, and signals an invisible mark above them "You're up here. You've risen. And they..." He lets his hand fall to the ground carelessly "They are all stuck on the ground."_

_Thierry has the most messed up morals, but he's always the best person he can be, and that, Sebastian thinks, makes all the difference._

_.  
><em>

"Your boyfriend doesn't seem to like me very much."

Blaine laughs nervously and shrugs.

"Does it really surprise you?"

"I wouldn't mind a threesome, if he's feeling left aside."

Blaine is adorable when he blushes. He's adorable when he smiles, too, and his eyes, oh, his eyes seem to sparkle every time he laughs. But Sebastian has noticed the change. It's subtle, most people wouldn't even see it, but it's so obvious to him that it's sad.

Blaine Anderson becomes a god when he steps into Dalton, but outside those stone walls, he's just a boy, like all the other boys who's hearts Sebastian has broken. It would be so easy to just lean a little and kiss those lips. Just a brush, and he'll be his to as he pleases. But making a boy love him has no merit, it happens almost every day. He wants a god. He wants Blaine Warbler-not Anderson- to fall madly in love with him, and then, he wants to break his heart.

_You don't deserve their love._

"You know, Blaine, between you and me, I think you could do so much better. Just look at you, you could have so much fun if you wanted."

Blaine blushes and looks away, mumbling something about boyfriends and love and loyalty and all those things Sebastian has little to no appreciation for.

It infuriates him. He doesn't understand how someone who was once on top of the world can settle for being...this. Such a waste of talent. Such a waste of life.

Kurt arrives then, as always, sitting next to Blaine and staring at Sebastian with a look he knows all too well; Hate. Pure, unadulterated hate. The kind of hate that doesn't care that you're beautiful, or lonely, or damaged, that kind of hate that always tells the truth.

Sebastian knows is going to be a lot more difficult to break Kurt than Blaine, but the satisfaction of breaking someone who hates you is infinitely bigger than breaking someone who doesn't.

.

"You've been asking questions."

Sebastian places his glass back on the dirty bar and turns his head to the side to stare at the guy who has just sat on the barstool beside him.

"Why would you know?"

"You've been asking for me."

His smirk is swoon worthy, he'll give him that. He looks a little...unkept, but the dark bangs that fall over his eyes look amazingly soft, his eyes are the most beautiful shade of blue, and that black tank top makes him look all kinds of dangerous and sexy and...oh, okay, fuck. That's one hell of a man that's sitting beside him.

"I'm glad you came, then. You should buy me a drink as an apology for making me wait."

The guy chuckles.

"You have no idea what you're getting into, posh boy. Drop the "take a walk on the wild side" attitude and go home."

"Is that a warning?" The guy's voice is beginning to make him hard, and he's not sure how well his hiding it.

"A suggestion" The guy raises an eyebrow and eyes Sebatian up and down for the first time since they started talking "You'd know how far you're willing to go."

Sebastian leans in slightly and runs his tongue over his lips.

"As far as I can."

The guys seems taken aback for a moment, but his eyes are clouded by desire and he bites hard on his lower lip, trying to keep his cool.

"One mistake, kid, and you're dead."

An involuntary shiver runs down Sebastian's spine. He's heard that before, but this is the first time that he knows it's true.

"You better make it worth it, then."

He knows this is the point of no return.

But he doesn't really care.


	6. You think to highly of me

**Notes:** _I'm so, so really sorry for the delay. My muse has been gone and every time I tried to write nothing came out. I don't know how, but it's finally here. More Blaine, and Sebastian is slowly spiralling out of control. Let me know what you think, because I'm getting a little lost._

_As always, special thanks to** here . at . the . end, Disney's Darling**, and **m'j doom**, because your reviews are what keep my muses going._

_The song Sebastian sings at the beginning is **A Team**, by Ed Sheeran  
><em>

* * *

><p><em>The reason we all like to think so well of others is that we are all afraid for ourselves. The basis of optimism is sheer terror.<em>

* * *

><p>Blaine is smiling.<p>

_"White lips, pale face, breathing in snowflakes, burnt lungs, sour taste, light's gone, day's end. Struggling to pay rent. Long nights, strange men..."_

Sebastian keeps singing, moving his fingers over the guitar chords, and raises his eyes to stare at Blaine.

Blaine is smiling.

He's looking at him like he was in a trance. There's this gleam in his eyes and this...thing in his smile, and, for a second, Sebastian understands why everyone seems to love him so much.

"You..." Blaine begins, when the song is over, but he seems uncertain of how to say what he wants to say "You have the most beautiful voice I've ever heard."

Sebastian stares at him for a second, taken aback. He scans the other boy's eyes for some sort of lie, a trick, but Blaine's eyes are cystal clear, and his smile is pure and clean and simple. Blaine is beautiful, God, so, so beautiful, just like him.

_You're the most beautiful boy I've ever seen. _The thought comes to his mind so unexpected that Sebastian gets mad for a second, and frowns.

"Something wrong?"

"You're just so cheesy, Anderson."

Blaine laughs. The kind of laugh Sebastian would like to have. Careless and good and free.

"You're really cool, Sebastian, I just wish you'd let people see it."

"You think to highly of me" Blaine always thinks to hihgly of everyone "Have you ever though that I might be a bad person?"

Blaine frowns and purses his lips.

"Of course not. There's nothing bad in you."

_There's nothing wrong with you, Sebastian._

"You're gonna get hurt one day, if you keep thinking the best of people."

Blaine's eyes darken for a moment with an undefined emotion. It only lasts a second, a blink of an eye, and then it's gone, but it's enough to make Sebastian wonder.

.

The wall is hard and cold against his back, and the hands that grip his hips are leaving finger print-like bruises.

He pushes himself off the wall and forces the guy to switch places, then forcefully slams him against it. The guy lets out a groan and grabs Sebastian even harder, pressing him flush against him, biting at his lower lip.

Pants go off and the guy wastes no time. Sebastian usually never bottoms, but this is something he needs to do in order to get what he wants. And he wants everything.

"Fuck!" Allen breathes, burying his face in the crook of Sebastian's neck and biting hard.

Sebastian throws his head backs and bites the inner part of his cheek to suppress a scream.

"They'll think I'm having favoritisms" Allen says, as he pulls his own, and Sebastian's pants back up.

Sebastian just lets him do, too dazed to even care.

"You are" he murmurs, passing a hand through his hair.

"Here" the older boy -almost a man- hands him a small bag with a couple of little white pills.

Sebastian stares at it, and his handsome face contracts into a disgusted grimace.

"I'm not a whore. You could have at least waited until the smell of sex had gone."

Allen lets out a raspy laugh and shrugs.

"Then stop selling yourself so cheap."

"You stop giving drugs in exchange for sex with minors."

He's pressed agaist the wall almost instantly, hands gripping his shit and holding him forcefully in place. Hot breath caress his face as the other guy speaks, tone low and ragged and dangerous.

"Don't push me, posh boy, I'm not one of your private school twinks." He lets go of Sebastian and takes a step back, passing a hand over his face to calm down "You wanted to live on the edge. Well here's something for you; This is not what you're looking for. Drugs and drinks and fucking a dealer, this is not the edge, this is throwing yourself off a cliff with no ropes and hoping to survive when you hit the ground."

He was not expecting this. Sebastian bites his lower lip and stares at him with hards eyes. What the fuck is he doing then, really? What the fuck does he have to do? How the hell is he supposed to know how to live?

"You survived." He says simply.

Allen snorts.

"Because this is all I have. One mistake and it's over." His eyes soften, and he steps closer to Sebastian, as close as he can without touching, but close enough for Sebastian to see the dark circles under his beautiful blue eyes, and the laugh lines and small wrinkles that he's far to young to have. "I know nothing about the crap that goes on with your life, but if you have another choice, leave this place and take it."

.

"I betrayed them"

Sebastian stares at him, surprised.

"When I arrived to Dalton I was..." He raises his eyes, and they are filed with sadness and regret and so many other feelings that Sebastian can't place "I was not me. I was broken, and hopeless, and bitter, and alone. And they...they took me in, the changed me, they showed me how good people could be, and I wanted to be like them, and wanted it so much..."

"You are like them" Sebastian murmurs, dropping his gaze to his cofee, suddenly, feeling nauseous "You are good."

Blaine laughs, and it's the most bitter sound Sebastian's ever heard

"You think too highly of me."

Sebastian stares at the boy before him, and it's like he's seeing him for the first time. His smile is gone and his eyes are hard and there's rage hiding underneath all that gell and bowties and perfect little lips.

"Why did you leave?"

The answer is so simple, it would have never occured to Sebastian.

"I fell in love, I guess."

Sebastian snorts.

"That's not a reason."

"It's not, isn't it? It just took me too long to realize that."

There it is. That is the moment where Sebastian realizes that its not Blaine who he should hate. Blaine didn't leave, someone snatched him away, and that's the person who ruined it all.

"They would be thrilled to have you back."

Blaine just smiles slightly, and shakes his head.

.

"He's whipped."

Sebastian stares at the girl sitting next to him on the barstool and raises a questioning eyebrow.

"Allen" the girl clarifies "I don't know what you've done. I didn't even know he was gay, but fuck, you've done something."

Sebastian turns his gaze towards the dancefloor where Allen is dancing with one and another and passing all kinds of stuff, in between kisses and caress and grinding of hips.

"I've done nothing."

_It's just that I'm too fucking beautiful._

But that's not worth shit.

He leaves the bar in a hurry. He doesn't know if it's the alcohol or the drugs but when he reaches his car his head's spinning and his sight is blurry and the bile comes up his throat, until he has to bend over, turn his head, and puke.

This is not what he wanted. He wanted to live. He thought Allen was just a fucked up dealer and he thought Blaine was just a egoistical traitor, but Allen is _whipped,_ Allen is giving him advice, and Blaine has the saddest smile and his beautiful eyes are filled with so much regret and... _fuck_. Fuck them, fuck everything.

This is not what he wanted, but he has no idea what he wanted at all.

.

Wes is staring at him with a dissaproving look, but he says nothing, instead just sits on the bed opposite his and makes himself confortable.

"You look like shit."

Wes never talks like that.

"You think?" Sebastian sneers, bending over the bed to puke into the wastebasket, but his stomach is already empty and the only thing that comes out of his mouth is a disgusting yellow liquid that burns it's way up his throat.

"What did you take?"

Sebastian whipes his mouth with the back of his hand and lies back down, staring a the ceiling.

"I don't know. Everything."

"You always take it too far, Sebastian."

"What's it worth, if you don't take it as far as you can?"

Wes shakes his head and stands up, dissapearing into the bathroom.

"You need to know how far you can take it before it ruins you."

Sebastian's eyes follow Wes as he comes back holding a wet cloth, and puts it softly over his forehead.

"I'm already ruined."

"If that was true, I wouldn't be here."

Sebastian closes his eyes, and lets the coolness of the cloth wash over him, taking a deep breath, he speaks again, voice low, like a whisper.

"You think too good of people."

Wes smiles.

"Only people who are scared of themselves see the good in people where there isn't any. My judgements are only made based on what I see."

"What do you see in me?" He never realized just how much the Warblers had gotten under his skin, until he notices that he's holding his breath.

"I'll answer that when you show me that I'm not seeing wrong."

Sebastian always thinks the worst of people.

He doesn't really know what to think of himself.


	7. The lack of principles

_**Notes:** I´m sorry this took so long to update, but I think you'll notice that this chapter it slighly different from the others...I found myself a really amazing beta, so I'm glad to announce that my mistakes have been fixed :D I want to thank **Nik**, **here . at . the . end** and **Disney's Darling** for your amazing reviews and great support, and specially, I want to thank** Swing girl at heart**, because she's an amazing, amazing beta!_

_Again, sorry for the long wait, and I hope you enjoy!_

_ps. The song is I'm Alive, from the Next to Normal musical.  
><em>

* * *

><p><em>I like persons better than principles, and I like persons with no principles better than anything else in the world.<em>

* * *

><p>Contrary to popular belief, Sebastian loves people.<p>

Even if he doesn't show it most of the time, the thing he likes the most in the world is being surrounded by people. He loves the attention, the looks, the smiles, everything. He loves the tingle of electricity than runs through his body every time skin comes in contact with skin. He loves the hands touching him and lips kissing him and voices murmuring his name.

It reminds him of home, somehow. Of simpler times when his mother would flaunt him around in parties, for everyone to see, everyone to touch, and everyone to admire.

Being alone is never an option – unless he's too high to care- because being alone means thinking about why is nobody there with him.

And that – he has the dignity to admit it – is because he's a horrible person. _You're sick, you're corrupted._

_But not for the reasons you think, father._

_._

"I'm not sure this was a good idea."

"Oh, come one Nick, don't be like that, try it once more. Just look at Jeff!"

"This was the most awesome idea _ever_!"

Jeff stares at Sebastian with wide reddened eyes, and a smile that lights up the room. "You," he says, almost screaming "You are amazing. You are so, so… alive! I am so alive right now! So alive!"

Sebastian bolts up, laughing loudly, and begins to sing as he spins and spins around the room.

"_I'm alive, I'm alive I am so alive, and I'll tell you the truth if you let me try. You're alive, I'm alive, and I'll show you why I'm alive, so alive..."_

David stands up, too, and dances and sings along with Sebastian, and they sing louder and louder until they are all dancing around the room, the joint passing from hand to hand, to finally end up as ashes somewhere on the table.

Not one hurtful word leaves Sebastian's lips. No mocking, no bitterness, no arrogance. And it's so much fun, that Sebastian has to wonder what would happen if he were to be like this all the time - happy and good, like them.

"I like you so much better when you're like this." Thad whispers, once they're all worn out, as he snuggles closer to Sebastian on the couch.

And by _this_, Sebastian thinks, you mean _high_.

Of course, because no one really likes Sebastian when he's being himself.

.

"Why is it that you're always alone?"

Sebastian looks up and smirks at the boy that towers over him.

"I'm not. You just happen to always find me on those strange moments when I am." Blaine looks away, unsure, and Sebastian can't help but smile a little. "Take a seat, killer."

Blaine's smile has the ability to light up his whole face, and Sebastian, as it's becoming quite usual, can't seem to look away.

"What are you doing here? I though the Dalton gardens were too big for anybody to find me."

"It's difficult not to find you, Sebastian" Blaine smiles as he takes a seat next to the other boy "I miss this place. I miss... the feeling I have when I'm here. I've been trying to not come by so often, but as hard as I try, I just can't help it."

Sebastian raises his eyes to the marvelous building before them and digs his fingers into the fresh grass underneath him.

"It's just a place, like any other place. It has walls and hallways and rooms and windows, like all the other places."

"But I was happy in this place."

_Sebastian sees the Eiffel tower, all lit up against the night's dark sky._

"Then come back." He's not sure who he's talking to.

"I can't. I made my choice and I don't regret it. Kurt is...wherever he is, is where I belong."

Sebastian scoffs. "That's bullshit."

Blaine stares at him with wide eyes, and frowns. "What's up with you?"

"I just don't get it. Why one person? Why waste your time in just one person, when you can have anyone you wanted? When you can have them all?"

"There's just one person that I want."

Sebastian stares at him, sea green eyes red and slightly unfocused, but there's longing somewhere in there, the kind of longing that you just can't hide.

"Is there really?"

Their eyes meet, and, for a second, neither of them can look away. Sebastian can see that Blaine's eyes are focused on his, as if they were the most amazing thing in the world. The ex Warbler catches his breath slightly, but it's enough for Sebastian to notice, and he has the feeling that the world could be crashing around them, but Blaine wouldn't even care.

"I could save you" Blaine whispers softly, as he leans forward.

Then the world crashes, somehow. He looks away, eyes filled with regret, and something inside Sebastian stings as if he had been bitten -in the bad way.-

Of course, he thinks bitterly, _but you already saved someone else._

"I...I'm going to say hi to the guys."

Sebastian watches him stand up and leave hurriedly towards the main door, and a laugh escapes his lips. It's not bitter, not sad, not mocking, is just a laugh, he laughs because he has suddenly come to a realization.

Blaine Anderson – he doesn't think of him as Blaine Warbler anymore – would never love someone like him.

But that's not even the important part – the important part is that Sebastian wouldn't love someone like himself.

.

He sleeps with Allen's best friend.

Then he realizes that Allen doesn't really have a best friend, so he sleeps with all the girls in his little group, and with all the guys that are either gay or bi-curious and are not afraid of Allen.

Well, most of them are, but Sebastian can be very persuasive.

He pops a pill into his mouth, just to be less himself and more… someone else, but the feeling only lasts a few fucks and a couple of dances and he has to do it again, and again and again until he has no pills left.

The world spins around him and there are hands touching him and people breathing in his ear and tongues sliding over his neck. He presses his body to whoever he's dancing with, or fucking at that moment and it all feels the same to him. Skin and moans and ragged breaths.

These people – they are just like him. They don't care enough and they judge too much and they want everything right here and right now, and it doesn't matter who they have to take it from, and it doesn't matter if they have to take it by force. This is the kind of people he likes, really, the people that don't make him feel like he's a horrible person.

He can feel someone pushing him hard against a wall, and his back hurts, but he's too gone to care, and his limbs and arms hurt too much to move and his sight is blurry and his head is spinning and all he can hear is a loud beeping sound that's beginning to give him a headache.

"Fuck off or I'll rip you in half."

The voice is calm and cold, and even if it seems to come from somewhere down the alley, mixed with all the music and voices from the bar, Sebastian recognizes it. The sweaty body pressed against him is suddenly gone, and the cold night air hits his face, and he takes a deep breath, his lungs burn as if he hadn't breathed in a log time, and he wonders if maybe he had, really, stopped breathing.

"Fuck, Sebastian, what the fuck did you do?"

"Allen…" Sebastian raises his eyes, but he can only see a dark silhouette moving towards him "I…"

"Shut up! Shut the fuck up, you fucking brat! What the hell did you think you were doing? Have you lost your fucking mind?"

Sebastian tries to push himself off the wall, but sways, and his knees give in, and he ends up sprawled on the floor.

"I... I don't know. I don't know."

For the first time in his life, he doesn't know what to say.

"God, you're stupid."

In a second, Allen is beside him, pushing strands of sweaty hair out of his face with one hand and holding him up with the other.

"I screwed you over." Sebastian manages to say. _I broke your heart,_ is what he means.

He never cared about that before.

But he does now.

.

_Once a Warbler, always a Warbler._

His eyes travel over the inscription, and his fingers trace the letters, sewed with golden thread to the Dalton standard that covers one of the walls of the rehearsal room.

"I didn't know what it meant when I arrived here." Someone says from the doorway.

Sebastian curves his lips in a crooked smile, but his eyes never leave the writings. "And you know now?"

Nick laughs and sits down on one of the large sofas, staring absentmindedly at the paintings decorating the room. "I found out, eventually. It's pretty simple."

Sebastian turns around, and Nick almost flinches at how pale and worn out he looks. "What does it mean?"

"It means that it doesn't matter what happens from now on, you won't ever be alone."

"And what if you mess up?" Sebastian sits down on the sofa next to Nick and stares at him with pleading eyes "What if you're not worth it?"

Something in Nick's eyes changes, they seem to darken for a moment, focused on Sebastian, and Sebastian has been in this situation too many times not to know what he's thinking.

_You're so fucking beautiful._

"You are worth it. Never let anyone tell you that you're not."

Sebastian stares at him, and his eyes soften for a second, and they are greener and deeper and more beautiful than anything Nick's ever seen. So he leans in and kisses him.

Sebastian pulls away almost instantly, eyes wide. "You can't do that. You're, you have a..." He's more disappointed than surprised, and even though he has never cared about that, he somehow cares now.

"I know, I'm sorry, it's just… I couldn't help myself. I mess up sometimes too, you know."

"So it's not just me." A small smile graces Sebastian's lips, and he lets himself fall back against the velvet cushions.

"Nah, it's not just you."

.

"_Isn't he beautiful?"_

"_Look at those eyes! You've got the most beautiful eyes, Sebastian."_

"_You are so, so beautiful..."_

"_You're so damn hot,"_

"_There's no one as beautiful as you."_

"_You're too hot to be weak,"_

The boy that stares back at him from the mirror has dark marks under his eyes, and hickeys and bruises all over his neck. His eyes are slightly red and his hair is all messed up. There's nothing beautiful about him.

"You have no morals," he murmurs, frowning at the boy in the mirror. "You have no principles. You're careless and reckless and you're going to end up killing yourself."

Of, _fuck_, no, he doesn't want that.

"You're going to end up alone then."

He doesn't want that either.

"This is why people love you," he says, pressing one finger to the mirror where his eyes are reflected. "Bright eyes and thin lips and fucking beautiful face. No one would love you if you were ugly."

_Of course not._

"You're so fucking beautiful," he whispers. _You're so fucking ugly._ And his eyes burn with unshed tears.

But he's the bad guy of the story, and the bad guy never cries.

_But it's better to be the bad guy_ – Thierry used to say – _than to be just an extra passing by._


	8. Good intentions always turn to dust

_**Notes:** First of, sorry for the delay! The end is near and, well, I'm not sure I want this to end just yet. I have a lot of people to thank now, the amount of reviews for last chapter was amazing, I kind of still can't believe it! So thank you to **Heaven's Archer, Elisima, xCarlax, Comppliffy, Carbon65, Lauren, Anon, ABundleOfDaydreams, Here . at . the . end** and **Disney's Darling**, you are all amazing, really, this story wouldn't have come this far if it hadn't been for you, Sebastian has come to a crossroad where he either pulls himself back up, or breaks down forever, and just want to thank you again for being following him all the way here._

_Really special thanks to **Swing Girl at Heart**, because, well, she takes time to fix all my mistakes, and makes this story better everytime._

* * *

><p><em>Whenever a man does a thoroughly stupid thing, it is always from the noblest motives.<em>

* * *

><p>"We won't make it without him."<p>

"What are we going to do?"

"What song are we singing?"

Sebastian stares at them from his spot on the sofa, and the scene before him is so fucking pitiful that it makes him want to vomit – literally. He vomits a lot these days.

"Who's singing lead?"

"When are we holding the auditions?"

With Wes and David absent due to college admissions, it seems like the Warblers can't make their minds up about anything. But it's not really Wes and David, Sebastian knows, it's _him_. It's all _we won't make it without him, we're not good enough without him, him, him, him..._

This guys are so fucking good, they're so fucking talented, but still, they seem to be unable to function if they're not under someone's shadow. Under _his _shadow.

Sebastian stares at them, arguing and yelling, but the only thing he hears is_ Blaine, Blaine, Blaine..._

It's amazing how just one person can ruin something that could be so amazing. Not even Sebastian, who messes up on daily basis, has managed to achieve that.

Now he remembers why he hated him.

"Okay, shut up, here's what we're going to do."

And they all grow silent, staring expectantly at him, as if whatever he's about to say could give them the answers they've been looking for.

Sebastian doesn't have any answers, but they did something for him, they cared, and he's going to show them that he cares, too, the only way he knows how.

He's going to make them invincible.

.

The scene plays before his eyes in slow motion, like a clip from a bad movie he would never want to watch again.

This was not supposed to happen. This was not what he wanted.

"Blaine! Blaine!"

He stands paralyzed as the world comes crashing down around him, and everyone moves too fast and talks too loud and he can't seem to keep up. His sight begins to get blurry and nausea begins to fill his throat, and, for a moment, all eyes are fixed on him.

_What have you done? _they scream, full of hate. _What the fuck have you done?_

This was not supposed to happen.

He should know by now, he has a talent for turning even his best intentions into something bad.

But he really, really, didn't want this to happen.

.

"One more."

The bartender eyes him warily and fills his glass again, and Sebastian drowns it all like water.

He closes his eyes as the liquid burns its way down his throat and the memory flashes through his mind; he sees Blaine's face, he sees the ice, feels the cold in his hands, he hears Blaine's scream, he feels the looks, the anger, the disappointment.

But he doesn't feel the guilt.

He stands up, swaying a little, and heads to the music machine to try to put on something softer, something that doesn't make his head pound even more.

What the fuck was he thinking? Was that really what he wanted to do? Why the hell did he always have to fuck it all up? Why couldn't he just...

"So, how do you get a guy to like you?"

_You have to look like me._

Sebastian turns to look at the guy, sight blurry and senses fogged by alcohol and cocaine, and all he sees is a fat guy with the self-esteem of a trashcan. He's seen him around before, keeping his head down, always too shy and too scared.

So he breaks him.

He tears him apart piece by piece, until he's too scared to approach him again, because this guy is still somewhat salvable, and Sebastian could ruin him so easily.

He's ruined enough things already.

.

"You could get expelled for this."

Sebastian stares at Jeff and tills his head to the side, trying to remain focused.

"Do you have any idea what you've done?"

"Yeah, I..." He forgets what he was going to say almost instantly, and he has to close his eyes to make the room stop moving.

"God, you're high aren't you?"

Stupid question.

Sebastian sits up slowly and stares at Jeff from his spot on the bed. He wants to tell him. He wants to tell him that he didn't mean to, that he wanted to help them win, that he wanted to help them step out of Blaine's shadow, he wants to tell him that he's not as evil as he seems right now. He wants to tell him that he's good - he was good, too.

"What else can I do?" is the only thing that leaves his lips.

Jeff shakes his head and takes a step into the room.

"We trusted you, you know? We thought you were different."

Sebastian looks away, and his eyes land on the ashtray full of half finished joints that lies on the carpet next to the bed, and the small bag of pills that's tossed under the nightstand.

"I thought I could be different, too."

But some people just don't know how to be good.

.

"Blackmail, really? _Really_, Sebastian? What the hell were you thinking?"

It's been a while since Sebastian has thought about anything.

"You know what? Fuck this! Fuck you! This is just...fuck!"

_I did this for you._

And as usual, it blew up on his face.

He leaves the room, and he can feel the disappointed glares from the Warblers follow him until he shuts the door behind him.

Nothing good can come out of someone like him. What the fuck does it matter if he's gorgeous on the outside, if everything he does ends up being rotten?

"I tried to fix it, you know? I tried to fix it and it just..."

The guy he's talking to is almost passed out, but he keeps staring at Sebastian like he's in a trance.

"You're so hot..."

Sebastian grimaces and looks away.

"No, no, really." The guy keeps looking at him with wide red eyes and a drunken smile curving his lips, and leans forward slightly. "You are like, fucking beautiful."

"Yeah well, you know what happens when you look like me? You fuck everything up, because, well, that's all I know how to do, apparently, I just keep hurting people, and I don't even have the guts to feel guilty, you know? Because fuck, he deserved it, he did, really, he traded this...this amazing people for some guy, some guy! And all I wanted was to...to help, somehow, you know?"

The guy nods, smiling slightly and for a moment, it really seems like he understands.

"You're really hot."

Sebastian sighs. "Whatever, let's go fuck somewhere."

.

_He's smiling so hard his lips hurt. There are tears streaming down his face, and the sound of laughter drowns every other sound around them._

_ "God, I don't want this to end."_

_Corie stares at Mikael with a frown, but she's still smiling._

_ "This will never end. We will stay like this forever."_

_ "High and reckless and having so much fun!" Thierry adds with a laugh._

_ "Moving only forward and never looking back!" Sebastian ads, raising his glass._

_They all burst laughing, and Corie falls back on the grass, her hair spreading around her like golden threads, and Sebastian thinks that he's never seen anything so beautiful._

_This place, the grass, the trees, the laughter. This is all that counts._

_ "It's just..." Mikael starts. "It's just here and now, whatever comes next will never be better than this moment."_

_And Sebastian believes him. "My life would suck without you"he thinks, staring at them through blurry sight._

And then he wakes up.

.

He's been staring at the little green mark on the screen for almost an hour.

What is he going to say? How can you explain something like this without looking like an evil bastard?

_But that's what you are._

_No. It's not. I could be better. I was better once. I could be better again._

He changes his status, and the moment he's online, the familiar sound of the Skype ringing fills the room. It's the first time in a long time that he picks up.

"Seb? Seb, are you there?"

"Corie..." He begins, but he chokes on the words and he has to take a deep breath to keep himself from crying.

"God, Seb, I missed you."

"I missed you too."

_I miss me, too._


	9. Hope for the hideous

_**Notes:** You can't imagine how sorry I am for taking so long to update. The corrections took longer than expected, and work's been consuming most of my time...I can just hope that you're still reading, and you'll stick with me for the last chapter that is to come. I promise it'll be a lot sooner than this one!  
><em>

_Special thanks to **Kaylen Cooper, Elisima, commppliffy, Lauren, ABundleOfDaydreams, here . at . the . end and Heaven's Archer** you have no idea how much your reviews mean to me!  
><em>

_And, as always, a huge thank you to **Swing Girl at Heart**, who always makes time to correct all my mistakes._

_ps. The song is Drunk, by Ed Sheeran.  
><em>

* * *

><p><em>I want to be good. I can't bear the idea of my soul being hideous.<em>

* * *

><p>David Karofsky.<p>

He doesn't recognize the name, but he knows the guy on the picture. The news reporter is talking about gay teens and bad people and suicide.

_That could have been me._

He sees himself, pills and alcohol and white powder, and dangerous people and bites and slamming against cold walls in dark alleys. He sees red eyes and dark circles and dry mouth and not enough food nor sleep. He sees the vomit, and the moments of half-consciousness when he thought he wouldn't make it, and didn't even care.

_That could have been me._

Because maybe he never thought about committing suicide, but he's been killing himself for a long time now, it was just a matter of time, he could have died in one of those dirty alleys and no one would have noticed. And when they did notice, they would have been glad.

_I don't want that to be me._

_.  
><em>

It's been two days since he heard the news and he still hasn't left the room.

He's pacing from one corner to the other, unsure, nervous. His hands are shaking and his throat is dry and the last time he spoke seems too far, far away.

"They told me what you did."

He stops his pacing instantly when he hears the voice, and the soft click of the door closing. He spins around to find Wes staring intensely at him, arms crossed over his chest.

"You should have consulted with me before you did anything. I am still the leader of the Warblers."

Sebastian frowns and looks away. "I told you, you wouldn't like me once you knew me."

Wes laughs softly and leans against the desk, pondering his words.

"They followed you. They saw in you the same thing I still see. I understand why you did what you did. You might think I don't, but I do. You can't imagine the times I've wanted to punch Blaine in the face for leaving us."

Sebastian stares at him, dumbfounded, but doesn't move from the spot where he's rooted in the center of the room.

"You are strong, Sebastian. You are the kind of person who is brave enough to make things happen despite the consequences. That's what they saw, and that's what I see. You have the loyalty Blaine never had."

"I fucked up." Sebastian admits, fists clenched in anger "Everything turned out so fucking wrong, I just..."

Wes smiles slightly and walks up to him, laying a hand on his shoulder.

"Soon, David and I are going off to college. The Warblers are going to be a mess – they haven't yet recovered from Blaine and this is going to be a big blow. I know you're the one who's going to put the pieces back together. I knew it when I saw you – you could carry all that weight on your shoulders and never bend. I'm not used to being wrong, so you better get your shit together, and prove that I was right."

.

He never liked Skype as much as he does in this exact moment.

The guy staring at him from the other side of the computer screen is silent for a second, lips pursed in concentration and blue eyes fixed on him.

Then he laughs. It seems like ages since Sebastian has heard a laugh so loud, so carefree, so clear.

"Stop caring so much already."

And just like that, Sebastian understands.

His greatest fear has come true. He cares for them, for Blaine, for the Warblers, for Allen, even for that kid David, whom he knows nothing about. He tries too hard to be good, to be worthy of them, that it was impossible for something good to come out of that.

He's been so scared of life passing him by, that he had forgotten that the thing he loved the most about living was not the fear of dying, but the feeling of being alive.

"Ah, there you are." Mikael says, with a knowing smile "I though I had lost you to the dull small town life."

"Do you remember when we first met?"

Mikael smiles "You were so lost, so numb, it was pathetic, I had to make you jump off a bridge to see if you were alive. And you know the best thing? You jumped."

_You've got balls, kid._

"I'd jump again." Sebastian says, and he hasn't been so sure of something since he arrived here.

"Then jump."

So he does. He runs to the only bridge in Lima and stares at the flowing river underneath. It's small and calm, and he could die if he miscalculated just an inch.

He jumps, and when he crashes against the cold water, he feels it. His heart starts to beat again.

_Welcome to the world of the living._

_.  
><em>

The door opens silently and he steps into the room.

The guy staring at him from the bed frowns slightly, but he seems more confused than angry, so Sebastian relaxes a little.

"What are you doing here?"

Sebastian bites his lower lip and passes a hand through his hair, trying desperately to find the right words that always seem completely out of his reach.

"I don't usually remember the guys I fuck, much less the guys I reject, but I saw you on the TV and I...I remembered you."

Dave stays silent, and Sebastian just knows that he's messing up again.

"What I'm trying to say is... You seemed like a good guy, you know? I could have ruined you."

"This had nothing to do with you. You can spare yourself the guilt."

Sebastian laughs a little, burying his hands in his pockets. "Guilt is a useless feeling. Regretting something you did in the past won't change your future."

"What are you doing here?" Dave asks again, eyes hard and lips pressed in a thin line.

"I don't know who you were David, or what you did, but those people are not judging you for that. They're judging you for what you are now. It doesn't matter that you changed, because people are always going to judge you, even if you change for the better... And I have a feeling that you have changed for the better."

"How do you know? You have no idea what I did."

Sebastian takes a step forward, but pauses when the smell of meds and sterilizing products becomes too strong.

"I've done bad things too, and I regret nothing. But I don't want to die one day, and the only thing that people remember of me are all the times I fucked up. Do you get what I'm trying to say?"

David remains silent for a moment, but he looks at Sebastian like he understands, like he really has listened, like he knows. Sebastian waits for the retort, for the "you're so hot" or whatever meaningless answer that's obviously coming next, but it never comes. David keeps staring at him like he understands, and he does. So Sebastian shows him how grateful he is the only way he knows how.

Sebastian has never kissed like this, short and chaste, almost just a peck, but he knows that David understands what he means, David seems to understand everything.

"I'm looking forward to see who you'll become." Sebastian whispers when they part.

.

He closes his eyes and feels the rain falling over him and soaking his clothes, until his hair falls over his eyes and he can barely see through the drops of water that hang from his eyelashes.

He smiles, like he hasn't in a while, and spins around, bare feet stepping firmly on the grass underneath him. His smile turns to laughter and it mixes with the roaring of a thunder that lights up the sky.

Suddenly, he can feel the rain wash away all the pain, the fear, the anger and bitterness, leaving him empty, careless and free. This is what Paris did, this is what Paris taught him, this is what he forgot.

He is too young to be so bitter, he is too alive to be so scared.

He is too beautiful to rot like this.

"_I wanna be drunk when I wake up, on the right side of the wrong bed, and every excuse I made up, tell you the truth I hate...what didn't kill me, it never made me stronger at all..._"

He laughs as he sings, and spins and spins, and when he finally comes to a stop, there's someone else standing before him.

"You." He breathes, smile never leaving his lips.

"I talked to Wes. You haven't been in Dalton for almost three days."

"And how did you find me?"

"I just happen to always find you." Blaine smiles at him, and offers a spot under the umbrella he's holding.

Sebastian shakes his head and laughs. "There are lots of things I wanted to tell you. I just wasn't sure you'd want to listen."

"I didn't. But I'll listen now."

He wants to kiss him so badly, but he's trying to do things the right way for once, so he says it the only way he knows Blaine will understand. He sings.

"_I know I can't heal things with a handshake. You know I can change, as I began saying, you cut me wide open like a landscape. Open bottles of beer but never champagne, to applaud you with the sound that my hands make...Should I? Should I? Maybe I'll get drunk, again to feel a little love._"

The umbrella hits the ground somewhere in the middle of the song.

.

"You look different."

Sebastian smiles slightly and tilts his head to the side, taking a single step forward.

"I'm... seventy-two hours clean."

Allen's eyebrow raises slightly in surprise, but he says nothing, and keeps taking long sips from his beer.

The sounds of the bar around them seem to fade slowly, as Sebastian tries to concentrate on the words he wants to say.

"You saved me that day," he says, taking another step forward "You've been trying to save me for a while."

Allen looks away and huffs, but Sebastian only takes another step forward.

"Can we start again?"

"And why the fuck would I want to do that?"

Sebastian bites his lip. _Why? Because I'm not the horrible person you think I am. Because that was not me, because I'm worth a second chance, because..._

"Because I care about you."

_Let's meet again for the first time._

Allen smiles and he seems older, more worn out, his lips are paler, his eyes are darker.

"Let me try to save you like you saved me." Sebastian whispers, taking a final step forward, until Allen's at arm's reach.

"You saved yourself." Allen answers, as he extends his hand for Sebastian to shake it "Just like I knew you would."

_I'm glad to finally meet you, Sebastian._


	10. Once a Warbler

_**Notes:** Well, after...a lot, here it is, the end. I just wanted to thank every one who stuck with me for this long, and I hope the einding doesn't disapoint you._

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><p><em>I am everything, that you were too afraid to be.<em>

* * *

><p><em> "<em>Come on David! Jump!"

Dave stares at him from the top of the bridge, eyes wide open with shock and something that looks a lot like admiration.

"What the hell? You're crazy!"

Sebastian wipes the water from his eyes and takes a deep breath, trying hard to keep himself afloat. "I'm alive, David! You should try it sometime! There's nothing left to be scared of!"

David stares at the boy in the water for a second, before deciding that he's been scared long enough already. Then he jumps.

"You've got balls, kid!" Sebastian screams at him, with sparkling eyes and the brightest smile Dave's ever seen "Welcome to the world of the living!"

And Dave feels alive for the first time.

.

The auditorium is silent, the lights are off, and there's a lonely figure sitting in the middle of the front row. Sebastian sits at the far end, in the back, and waits.

The music starts suddenly, and the stage lights up. There's a boy in the center, eyes cast down and looking small and scared and nervous, and something inside Sebastian flinches, because this is it, this is the moment, it's here and now, or never.

The boy raises his eyes and focuses on him. There it is, that smile, the same smile Sebastian saw so long ago, in a youtube video filled with dancing boys in uniforms. He had lost all hope of seeing that smile in again, but here it is.

_ ¨Look at me. I'm the king of New York, suddenly I'm respectable starin' right at 'cha, lousy with stature..."_

Those moves, that smile, that voice. That small boy changes, he comes to life, he grows, he expands, until he's all Sebastian can see, he owns that stage as if he was born to be there. Every note hat comes out of his mouth is stronger than the last one, every move he makes is more precise.

_ "I gotta be either dead or dreamin' 'cause look at that pape with my face beamin', tomorrow they may wrap fishes in it, but I was a star for one whole minute! Startin' now I'm the king of New York..."_

Sebastian's smile is so wide, his lips star to hurt, and he knows, he just knows. _You're a king indeed, Blaine Anderson._

Blaine is standing in the middle of the stage, panting, beaming, shinning brighter than any of the lights that surround the stage.

"Well mister Anderson, that was...impressive."

The man with the notepad stands up, and Sebastian stands too, but he's too far to see his expression.

"Thank you, sir."

"No, I don't think I'm expressing myself quite well...What just took place on that stage was...Do you understand the kind of talent you have, Mr. Anderson?"

Years from now, Sebastian knows he'll still remember Blaine's smile at this very moment.

"I have to thank you for such an outstanding performance."

The man leaves, with his expensive suit and his scary looking notepad, and the auditorium seems a little less oppressive. Sebastian and Blaine stand there, rows of seats apart, just staring at each other. And then Blaine drops down to the floor, and laughs.

"Oh God." he exclaims, in between laughs "Oh God."

Sebastian walks up to him, clapping all the way, until he reaches the stage, and stands there, staring at the boy sprawled on the floor.

"I think I just saw Blaine Warbler."

"You did, didn't you?" Blaine's smile never leaves his lips "I felt it too, I felt...stronger, fearless...it's like I was Blaine Warbler again."

"Where's gayface? I thought he'd have gone into hysteric fangirl mode by now."

Blaine's smile falls for a second. "He's been very busy rehearsing for his NYADA audition, ever since Rachel left for New York it's all he's been doing, he's under a lot of pressure, you know?"

Sebastian scoffs. "That's not an excuse. He's just a selfish little..."

"But you came." Blaine cuts him off before he can finish "Why did you come?"

"Because...I needed to see it again." Sebastian says, stepping closer to the stage "When my dad first told me I was going to a boarding school, I could not think of anything worse, but then I started investigating, and I came across a video of the Warblers on youtube, the editing was horrible and the video was so shaky it might as well have been recorded by a kid with parkinson, but you were there, singing that awfully overestimated Katy Perry song. And...every other thing in the world stopped being important, you were all I could see and your voice was all I could hear. What that man from Juilliard saw today was the same thing I saw that day. You are one of a kind, Blaine Anderson."

Blaine stares at him with the strangest look on his face, and crawls toward the edge of the stage, until they're face to face. "What did you see?" he asks in a whisper.

"Magic."

Blaine's lips are soft and gentle and warm, his hands are cold against Sebastian's cheeks, and the moment is just as perfect as Sebastian always thought it would be.

"You are magic too, Sebastian." Blaine whispers when they part, pressing their foreheads together "You make me feel like I'm the king of the world."

"I don't know about the world, but you'll sure be the king of New York one day."

.

There's a pair of green eyes taring at him from the mirror. Tanned skin, perky nose, silky hair. Thin lips that curve into the most beautiful smile.

_You are so, so beautiful._

_There's nothing wrong with you._

"Can I come in?"

He spins around, and his stomach tightens uncomfortably.

"It's open."

His father stares at him from the door. His eyes trail over Sebastian's face and his arms, like he's searching for something, but every trace of the life he's been living is already gone.

"I don't know what you've been going through." The man begins, unsure "But whatever it was, you...you seem different now, you seem better."

"Well, not really thanks to you." It sounds a lot more bitter than he intended.

"I know that..." He looks away for a second, then back to Sebastian "I just wanted you to know how proud I am. I always knew you'd be great. You're...fearless, and strong, you could take on the world all on your own. You're everything I was scared to be, when I was your age."

He turns to leave, and Sebastian takes an involuntary step forward.

"Dad." It's been a long time since the last time he called him that "Thank you. It means...a lot."

"I should have told you sooner."

Sebastian smiles as his father leaves the room.

_So this is what forgiveness feels like._

_.  
><em>

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be."

Blaine looks away and bites his lips. Sebastian wishes he'd just leave.

"I... being with you, it reminds me of who I am, of who I can be...But I can't...Kurt's going through a hard time, I can't just...leave him, do you understand what I'm saying?"

"I'm a grown kid, Blaine, trust me, I'll survive."

Blaine takes a step forward and stares at him with that miserable expression on his face that makes Sebastian want to kiss (or fuck) the pain away.

"I wish I had met you sooner."

"You would have ended up hating me."

Blaine laughs slightly.

"You know what?" Sebastian says suddenly "You and me, we could be amazing together."

_Of course we could._

"In another time, maybe."

_In another life._

_.  
><em>

"We should go to Paris before school starts."

Sebastian stares at Jeff.

"We should?"

"Of course." Nick ads with a laugh "It'll be so much fun. We can all go together and learn french or something."

"All of us?" Sebastian asks again.

Trent laughs at Nick and Jeff's confused looks, and puts a hand on Sebastian's shoulder, squeezing slightly.

"All of us." He says "A Warbler trip."

There are a lot of things Sebastian wants to say, things he wants to ask. Am I forgiven? Is it all forgotten? Am I still a Warbler?

"You can bring that guy Allen, too."

"I'm not bringing my dealer fuckbuddy to a Warbler trip."

"Yeah, I think it's for the best." Nick agrees.

"You can introduce us to your French friends." Suggests Thad taking a sip from his coffee "I've seen pictures of that blonde girl, and I swear I'm in love."

"Corie? Go Thad! I didn't think you had it in you." Sebastian laughs, relaxing visibly.

"You've been doing very good lately Sebastian, don't ruin it."

The group of boys burst out laughing, but the people at the cafeteria are so used to The Warblers making it their official meeting point, that no one pays attention to them.

"We can invite Blaine too!" Exclaims Jeff excitedly "For old times sake and all that."

Something triggers in Sebastian's head then. His smile turns to a smirk, as his brain begins to do the thing it does best: scheme.

"Jeff's right, Blaine'll be thrilled to join us."

Sebastian Smythe's still the bad boy of this story, and bad boys never give up.

_After all, once a Warbler, always a Warbler._


End file.
